Cosy in the Rocket
by MeredithGrey0224
Summary: Nobody knows where they might end up. Nobody knows where they might wake up. A Grey's Anatomy/Scandal-inspired story about what happens when new developments threaten the love Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson believe they hold dear. Will they realize that they're barely holding on?
1. Prologue: Simple Lies

Cosy in the Rocket

Nobody knows where they might end up. Nobody knows where they might wake up. A _Grey's Anatomy_ / _Scandal_ -inspired story about what happens when new developments threaten the love Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson believe they hold dear. Will they realize that they're barely holding on?

This story is set canon to 5x01. From there I take liberties with certain events in the timeline being included at my discretion (for example, Finn will die near the end of the 2012-13 school year and Blaine along with Kurt and Rachel {albeit in a limited fashion due to Funny Girl} will attend NYADA for the school year of 2013-14).

Disclaimer: I own nothing and stand to make no profit from this. All characters belong to their showrunners and storylines are their creative property.

Prologue: Simple Lies

 **Kurt**

"I'm being beyond serious. I will never, ever, ever cheat on you again."

Kurt wanted to believe Blaine's seemingly heartfelt words. He wanted to believe that Blaine would never cheat on him; that aside from that momentary lapse in judgment Blaine was still the Prince Charming that rescued him from the loneliness and despair that had once eaten so much of him that he was unrecognizable. With every cell in his body Kurt wanted to just let himself be loved by Blaine, to once again feel the affection that Blaine had to offer. Kurt wished that could erase the nagging doubts that combined into huge waves of apprehension threatening to rise out of his mouth like bile. If only Kurt could let himself live the fairy tale he so wanted.

But Kurt knew fairy tales weren't real. The only thing real in this situation was the new outlook that Blaine's infidelity had taught him. Where Kurt had naively dreamt of passionate lovemaking in lilac fields, now he searched for the inevitable catch, always ready for the rug to be pulled out from under him. At least now his situation was not so bleak that naïve fantasies were the only suitable escape to sustain him. Now a proud, out gay man with talent and confidence, Kurt could see Blaine's words for what they were: _words_. Nothing concrete, nothing set in stone. Finally being able to see life for what it truly had to offer and knowing that he wouldn't break under the realization, Kurt could actually humor Blaine's pleas for reconciliation.

"I'm gonna need you to sign one of those non-cheating contracts," Kurt said cheerfully with a soft smile.

See, he could even be playful, going along with the song and dance he had set up in the event his theories about Blaine wanting him back were correct. For Kurt, he felt a huge sense of relief that their new development was firmly rooted in the now, a savory treat to enjoy in the present. Even Blaine's pending application to NYADA did not seem to be such a stumbling block: surely some time in the real world of dating and gay life away from the few opportunities of Lima would cure Blaine of his naïve fantasies. For now, they could carry on as they had, indulging each other while they could.

It was that simple.

 **Blaine**

Blaine could barely contain his joy, he feared his wide, affably goofy grin would be permanently plastered on his face after the outcomes of his talk with Kurt. Since he had made that horrific mistake in October, Blaine felt a huge weight that he could not seem to shake off. And no matter how many good things he did with his unlikely savior turned best bro Sam, he could not rid himself of the notion that he had to make things right with Kurt.

Over the course of their relationship, Blaine had become attuned to just how much faith Kurt had placed in him. After all, the Kurt that Blaine first met in the Dalton commons was on the breaking point, disillusioned by the odds of his romantic dreams never coming true in any way, shape, or form. In their intimate moments, moments when the two sat with each other soaking up their connection, Blaine often noticed Kurt gazing at him with adoration, so much that it was almost tangible in Kurt's impossibly bright blue eyes.

In turn, Kurt's broken heart seemed to manifest itself physically in a similar manner. On the occasions in which Kurt could stomach Blaine's mere presence, Blaine saw certain weariness in Kurt's eyes and demeanor. Kurt did not want to be touched for too long than necessary, as if he dreaded intimate interaction. The more Blaine saw Kurt wear the same disillusion he had worn two years prior, the more his guilt increased. Always a showman, Blaine showed none of this to any of his fellow glee members. Except for Sam.

Strangely, the only thing that made the long winter days bearable was Sam's constant offer of friendship. Somehow they had bonded even after the admittedly rude comments Blaine had made about Sam's past during the previous year. Their interests had enough overlap to make conversation varied, interesting, and easy yet they had enough differences between them to offer things the other could not. Blaine introduced Sam to order and organization while Sam helped Blaine calm down by finding time to relax and stop worrying over things.

It was due to Sam's cool, laid-back personality that Blaine did not have to worry about his crush on Sam interfering with their friendship in the grand scheme of things. In fact, Blaine realized that since they had discussed Blaine's feelings, Sam felt it appropriate to pepper it in their conversations as if it was just a simple fact rather than a potential deal-breaker. Blaine marveled at Sam's ease with such a touchy subject. He resolved that whatever his outcome turned out to be with Kurt, he _had_ to have Sam's good nature and friendship in his life.

 **Sam**

Blaine was Sam's guy. Even though he already had a brother, whom he loved dearly, Sam felt a similar intensity concerning Blaine. More than any other friend he had ever made, Sam truly valued every word that came out of Blaine's mouth. Thus, Sam listened intently as Blaine cleared his throat in front of the assembled New Directions.

"So, as most of you know already, um, Kurt and I are officially back together," Blaine said with a determined pride.

Sam cheered along with the rest of the group, the intensity for Blaine bringing his hands together and putting a smile on his face. He was happy to see his best friend happy.

"I know, but what most of you don't know, and this is top secret, is that I'm going to ask Kurt to marry me."

Sam had indeed known the secret as he had found Blaine shopping for the engagement ring, rebuking him for the lack of invitation. But when Blaine placed a light, affectionate touch to Sam's shoulders as he settled himself and said the words, 'top secret', something felt odd within Sam. Not necessarily unwelcome, but off just the same. Sure, Blaine and Sam were quite comfortable with one another and thus rather tactile. But something about Blaine declaring his intentions for marriage to another man aroused something new in Sam. Sam did not dwell on it as he noticed the decided lack of an enthusiastic response to Blaine's announcement. Sam knew that as best friend and future best man, he had to do his duty.

"Yeah, guys, come on! Get up! Come on, guys! He's my best friend. Gay marriage good. It's good, it's good things. They're all happening so fast. Let's go!" Sam jumped up and faced his group with an energetic fist pump.

When Sam saw the slightly disapproving look in Blaine's eyes, he realized that his tone had been rather caustic. Internally, he swore to himself that he had not intended to sound biting, but something in him made it come out that way. Not wanting to argue with Blaine or do anything to upset him, Sam decided to make an effort to be more outwardly supportive, not only for Blaine's benefit, but also to avoid any awkwardness whatsoever.

As if there was anything to be awkward about. Later that evening, after he and Blaine had completed all the necessary preparations for Blaine's elaborate proposal, Sam sat on his bed, running his finger over the intricate patterns of the bedspread.

Blaine was his best friend and there was no one better than him, besides Blaine's parents, to question the haste of Blaine's decision. Sam had to admit to himself that he was comfortable with how things had turned out over the school year, he liked the attention he received from Blaine and he enjoyed showering him with attention too. It was okay for him to have doubts and reservations. It's not like he and Blaine were together and his feelings could potentially derail the wedding plans. Sam was straight and he was not looking for anything else with Blaine. If anything the new absence of Brittany was now affecting his thinking so that subconsciously his mind pushed his next most important person in the void she left. But that did not mean he was in love with Blaine.

It was that simple. Pleased with his rationale, Sam descended into a vivid slumber, dreaming of teenage boys with bowties and cool team adventures around the world.

 **Kurt**

When he happened to see that Rachel Berry had checked herself into Lima on Facebook under the status update of 'doing something special,' it dawned on him that Blaine was proposing and had concocted some drawn-out plan, going as far to pull all the people near and dear to Kurt back into the fold like a magnet, just to see the 'happy couple' off on their first step toward the happy ending that Kurt had dreamt of.

As a teenager.

Kurt had connected the dots and with thorough social media scalping, he deduced just that. The only snag was that Kurt felt nowhere near comfortable with Blaine to even think of marriage or even being bound to him in such a relatively high profile setting. Adding to the madness, Kurt now found himself wanting an intimate proposal: something over candlelight, filled with soft laughter, mood lighting, and passionate lovemaking. By contrast, the prospect of a huge gathering of at least tens of people seemed really... the usually erudite Kurt could not even think of a word to describe his view of what he knew he was being driven to by his father.

Tacky. The word settled on him like a cloud, darkening his mind and thus his features in the form of a scowl.

"I know you're driving me to my surprise proposal."

Kurt was not surprised that his father only confirmed the destination. He was only surprised that his father kept his foot on the gas, scowling even more.

"You okay? You look like I'm driving you to your execution," Burt Hummel said with that familiar rugged brand of caring and earnestness.

"I can't tell. I mean, I really love Blaine, and He makes me feel so connected and safe and loved, and I don't think I'm ever gonna find someone else who's gonna make me feel like that...But we're both so young."

Kurt dared not be completely honest with his father about the state of his feelings for Blaine. Kurt knew that Burt appreciated Blaine's positive effect on Kurt even more than he did himself. Knowing how it would shatter Burt that Kurt was now emotionally jaded at such a tender age, Kurt had kept the details of his break-up with Blaine to a minimum. Kurt did not share anything regarding the gross infidelity that had occurred, instead being very vague.

"Your mom and I met when we were 22, and I asked her to marry me six months in. _We_ were just kids. Yeah...it was really hard at first. You know, you go in with all these fantasies about what your life together is gonna be like: nothing but laughing and dancing around in your underwear, cooking pasta, and sex. A lot of sex. It's hard being married, though...it's hard enough being in your 20s."

That was just the problem with Blaine in Kurt's estimation. The entire spectacle seemed to be built on fantasy. Yet Kurt's life had not been a fantasy in the slightest sense. He had experienced the pain of facing his mother's death during his formative years. He and his father had emotionally avoided each other for the better part of a decade. Only the past four years had been anything close to good and even they were filled with tons of drama. Kurt had already tried placing his eggs of hope in Blaine's basket and he had no desire to be broken again.

"Do you wish you waited?"

"Not one second more. I wish I'd met her ten years earlier. I didn't know then that I was only going to get so much time with her, you know? That she was gonna leave us so soon.  
I'd take 50 more years of late-night fights about, you know, me working late or the gas bill or her letting the milk go bad for just Ten more minutes with her next to me. We only get a few days when you come down to it, Kurt. You know that better than anyone."

Kurt took a moment to absorb the depth and wisdom in his loving father's words. The verbal near-mention of his late mother lay heavily on him as he pondered whether or not he was being unnecessarily harsh on Blaine. Sure, things would not be perfect. But Kurt had to admit that there was still a spark between the two.

"So relax. Hear what the guy has to say. I mean, all you gotta do is say yes, no, or maybe."

Burt's words rang in Kurt's ears loudly as Blaine met him at the Dalton entrance with a serenade. Kurt had to admit once his friends came into view the scope of Blaine's work. Maybe that would be a sign of good things to come.

Kurt allowed himself to be led to the staircase where so long ago, two people who looked the same if not shorter and more adolescent, had met.

Blaine began, "We met right here. I took this man's hand, and we ran down that hallway. And for those of you that know me, know I'm not in the habit of taking people's hands I've never met before, but I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn't know yet. I knew that our hands were meant to hold each other, fearlessly and forever. Which is why it's never really felt like I've been getting to know you; it's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived, we have chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over for all eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime, because all I want to do, all-all I've ever wanted to do is spend my life loving you."

Kurt felt himself be moved by the beautiful words Blaine had strung together. All the good from his relationship with Blaine collected and washed over him. He felt enveloped and somewhat overwhelmed as he lost himself to the power and intensity of everything having to do with Blaine.

"So Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love... will you marry me?"

The moment of truth had come. Burt's words about saying yes, no, or maybe rang again in his head and the prospect of his guttural response, a soft yet hopeful maybe, became real in his head.

Unfortunately Kurt took that moment to look around and take in the vast amount of people from his youth who had come together, pooling their resources, time, and spirit in producing all of this, just for him. For him to surely say yes. Kurt saw Rachel, Mercedes, and Santana, eagerly awaiting him to say yes. Nearby Blaine was Sam who too had his eyes on Kurt, though it was not beyond Kurt's perceptive eyes that Sam's expression was at once supportive yet tinged with something suggesting he was sad or even crestfallen. To Kurt's dismay, Finn (and his attachment of a best friend Puck, Kurt noted) was absent as well. Nothing more than guidance from the emergent leader of the New Directions and his loving stepbrother would have helped him make his decision.

Kurt's eyes settled on Blaine's huge, bright, hazel ones. Knowing that a romantic look would buy him at least another fleeting moment before he was expected to speak, Kurt skillfully wore his best poker face as he turned his answer over multiple times before coming to a conclusion.

He had to say yes.

He owed it to everyone there. He owed it to Blaine. He could give on an engagement. Suddenly the idea of a long, drawn out engagement was an absolute godsend. Perhaps after a few years, if things were not up to par for Kurt, they could easily fizzle out. Without the immediate hullabaloo to boot! All in a millisecond, Kurt made his decision. He committed to the part he had chosen.

"Yeah...Yeah."

A simple lie.

A/N: Hope that was okay. Future chapters should include far more action and less introspection. Just had to establish the scene! Reviews are lovely and so appreciated. Also, who wants to try guessing what couples I'm using as inspiration for this story from Grey's to Glee?


	2. Chapter 1: The Kids are All Wrong

Chapter 1: The Kids are All Wrong

 **Kurt**

Every morning, Kurt woke up with an odd taste on his tongue. At once he felt the taste of gratitude that yet another day had arrived. A new, bright spring day, each day teeming with potential for wonder and realized opportunity. While Kurt was thankful for his life, he was more thankful that he had another day to face talking to Blaine.

The engagement haze had reached a plateau now that a week had passed. At first the couple was besieged (in Kurt's case, attacked) with messages of congratulations and well wishes for the future. To further complicate matters, Jacob Ben Israel dedicated a significant amount of coverage on his website, thereby keeping McKinley abreast of anything and everything 'Klaine' related.

Klaine.

While Blaine enjoyed the attention the couple was now gifted with on a daily basis, Kurt found it to be at best incessant, at worst supremely irritating. Kurt especially hated the new shipper name the couple had been blessed with by the apparent best man, Sam. Truthfully, Kurt could not stand being tagged in random photos on social media with any hashtag including the term 'Klaine'. Blaine seemed to be blind to Kurt's rage, reveling in the attention and pressing Kurt to begin planning the wedding now that summer was approaching.

It bothered Kurt that Blaine was so eager to jump right into wedding planning. Rather than plainly speak to him about his concerns, Kurt found it much easier to keep a distance away from Blaine. Kurt thanked his lucky stars when it fell upon him that he was to due to return to school for the final stretch before the summer. He only felt slightly guilty that he was looking into summer classes and potentially extending his internship with Isabelle.

Kurt's ability to keep a distance from Blaine was made much easier by the fact that Sam had nearly attached himself to Blaine's hip since the proposal. While welcoming the break from the commotion of their reunion and engagement, Kurt found that Sam's increased presence did give him a bit of pause.

Kurt would not have a chance to even grasp his concern about Sam.

Finn was dead.

At first Kurt thought he was dreaming. He wasn't really engaged and his father and stepmother weren't breaking down over the news. Finn, the boy he had once crushed on and eventually grown to be a valued friend, confidante, and brother of sorts. _Finn_? Dead?

During the three weeks immediately after Finn's death, Kurt found himself barely able to function. Suddenly, far too much was happening. Kurt, Rachel, and Santana had returned to their apartment in Bushwick but still it was different. No longer would Rachel chat on the phone with Finn into the wee hours of the night. In the new light, Kurt found his and Santana's annoyance at Finn tragically trivial. Kurt had not even said much to Finn since he had started school, other than answering the phone and little small talk. No longer could Kurt look forward to visiting home and seeing his large stepbrother's genuine, goofy smile.

Throwing himself into his schoolwork seemed to help him ignore the gnawing hole in his soul. The unfortunate coincidence that the date of Finn's death was one day after his late, beloved mother's birthday was not lost on him and he only felt worse being powerless in the waves of memories of Finn and his mother combining into a powerful torrential storm that threatened to knock him out every day.

In this grief, Kurt was delighted to return to his old stomping grounds in Lima. As he walked to the memorial set up by their dear coach Mister Schuester, Kurt realized that he felt abnormally happy in such a familiar place. If he closed his eyes, he was back in the beginning of senior year: happy with Blaine, friendly with Finn and the guys, bullying to a manageable minimum. Kurt now felt weirdly seasoned and aged as he looked across the club at the other, younger members, including his beloved Blaine. He knew that at least for Blaine, this was a new experience. Kurt wanted to get back to that; he craved that sense of innocence and naïveté they still had.

As people were heading out for the day, Blaine inched closer to Kurt, softly taking his hand. Kurt nodded to the exiting members that he'd stay with Blaine.

Once the room was clear and the door had been closed, Kurt eyed Blaine with gratitude and anticipation. Blaine looked sad though not so much that he showed a full grasp of the loss.

"Finn's the first for you, right?"

"Yeah, I mean...I know I've been very lucky," Blaine nervously chuckled.

Rather than dwell on his lack of luck concerning death and loss, Kurt smiled at his emotionally young fiancé. After a deep breath, Kurt moved into Blaine's personal space and placed their lips together.

The kiss was at first tentative then quite passionate. Kurt hungrily devoured his fiancé's lips as he moved himself out of the seat so that he was now straddling Blaine. He moved his lips away from Blaine's lips and kissed a trail down Blaine's jaw and neck, holding so tightly onto Blaine's shoulders as if he were afraid that Blaine would somehow disappear in that moment.

"Wait...uh, Kurt? Kurt?" Blaine asked timidly.

"You're not enjoying this? I bet it feels like you are," Kurt said saucily as he traced his left hand down Blaine's torso to his pelvic region.

"I mean, yeah, we haven't been like this in I don't know how long, but uh...the timing? And the place?"

"Blaine," Kurt placed soft kisses all over Blaine's jaw, neck, and shoulders as he spoke. "I don't care. We should grab onto the time we have. Not waste _any_ of it."

Abruptly, Kurt stopped his trail of kisses and looked Blaine in the eye.

"I love how you're holding me close like this," Kurt said with adoration.

"I couldn't just let you fall. I support you. I love you, you know that," Blaine inflected.

"Then let's move up the wedding!"

"What?" Taken aback, Blaine nearly dropped Kurt onto the floor, picking him up before he fell onto his bottom.

Unfazed, Kurt stood with hands on hips, determined.

"We love each other. We both know how time is not always on our side. We can do this. It's what you wanted."

"I-I-I know. It's just-wow, Kurt. We haven't discussed anything about our plans since I proposed. I was starting to think you weren't in it all the way. Not that that's a bad thing!"

"Blaine, I need to grab onto all the happy I can right now. You make me happy. You want to marry me. I want to give you what you want."

At Kurt's words, Blaine tearfully smiled, pulling Kurt into a strong embrace. They hugged for an indeterminable amount of minutes, Blaine resting his head at Kurt's shoulder.

Kissing him on the cheek, Blaine softly uttered, "I love you."

Kurt smiled to himself, pleased to have Blaine with him in that moment. No matter how strong or mature Kurt thought himself to be, he could admit that he needed a someone. He needed a person. And Blaine was willing and glad to be that for him.

Echoing the magnificent performance Mercedes had given for the club, Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear softly, "I'll stand by you."

His reasoning had been all wrong but now it was all right.

 **Puck**

No. The two letter word had been the only thing on his mind since he had learned of her best friend's passing. He refused to believe it. So during the funeral, the following three weeks filled with Facebook collages and YouTube tributes, and now, the memorial theme of the week headed by Mister Schue, all Puck could say was no. He had absolutely no desire to spend all this time mourning the best friend he had ever had with overemotional performances and stilted conversations regarding his grief. Puck was present for the events yet he maintained a sharp detachment and aloofness. He barely chatted with anyone from the New Directions; it hurt too much without Finn. He thanked God that a stoic, wooden expression did not look at all foreign on his handsome, chiseled face. People saw that he was not to be talked to, and fearing the return of Puck's worse attributes, they left him alone, just how he liked it.

Until he spotted Kurt Hummel of all people standing coolly by a random dumpster near McKinley High's back entrances.

In a moment, Puck was quite surprised by Kurt's newfound confident stature. A large amount of time had elapsed since he had taken a good look at the pale man standing there. Taking the sight of him in, Puck noticed that the jacket, which only a few years prior would have looked comically large and unfit on him, now only looked slightly out of place on him. Kurt was now taller and seemingly more filled out than he had once been. Maybe this new growth would permit the two to converse in a pleasant way they had never been able to while in high school.

"What's with the, uh, Bansky loser parade?" Puck offered.

"You're exhausting." Kurt's cold, swift head shake in response was only a bit disheartening.

"You seriously don't recognize this dumpster?" Kurt asked disbelievingly.

Placing the dumpster in a mental image of his younger, immature self tormenting a young cherub that looked vaguely like Kurt, Puck nodded. "Oh, yeah."

The way Kurt kept his eyes on the dumpster as well as a small but distinct distance next to Puck made Puck think that Kurt was doing everything he could to ignore him.

"Soon as Finn joined the Glee Club, being a loser, an outcast and a misfit, it all became okay."

The cold, disconnected tone in Kurt's voice elicited a primal response from Puck, who desperately wanted to take hold of anything that could potentially ease the loss he would not let himself feel. It got the best of him and Puck felt himself able to do little to diminish the harsh words and tone forming in response to Kurt's demeanor.

"Hey, give me that jacket. Seriously, I'll pay you for it. I'm sure you have a whole room full of mementos. I got nothing to remember him by." Puck did not mean to commodify the jacket, nor did he mean to diminish Kurt's breadth of physical and emotional connection to Finn to just 'a room of mementos'. Puck internally kicked himself for showing his desperation.

"Well, you can't have this," Kurt firmly and plainly stated.

Anger began to rise within Puck as the rejection of his plea hit him.

"That jacket is reserved for people who earned it." Puck was going too far, unable to keep his emotions in check. When the words he was to say next began to form, he berated himself for not being able to get back to his stoic, well-worn mask.

"I'm not gonna let you bedazzle it with glitter and turn it into some Project Runway shawl."

Kurt not giving any semblance of a facial response to the cheap shot stunned Puck to his wit's end. Even more shocking, was Kurt stepping into Puck's personal space with icy blue eyes and stating in a fixed voice, "So what are you gonna do, beat me up and take it from me? Throw me in a Dumpster? You can't have it."

As Kurt walked away from him, Puck could not believe how their interaction had escalated. He had no idea when Kurt had gained such bravado and moxie. Moreover, the emotional intensity had an unfortunate reaction of arousing him. Puck could not escape the dirty thoughts of him being physical with his former victim who now unabashedly called him out on his shit swirling around in his head. And why would he want to? Puck was experienced enough now to know that not only were labels and rules so unimportant in the face of important things like life, love, and loss, but that he could do nothing to ignore the seeds of attraction growing within him. If anything, the way Kurt had so quickly permeated through the walls Puck had constructed signified the weight of his feelings. In the name of life, and Finn, he would not shoo them away, but accept them as they were and try to make the best of them. He let himself say yes.

 **Sam**

Blaine rambling a mile a minute about Kurt was in no way a new occurrence. A great deal of their conversations over the year had in some way involved Kurt—Blaine's guilt over cheating, Blaine's half-baked attempts to win Kurt back, Blaine's odd acceptance of Kurt's proposal for a casual relationship, and finally Blaine's quest to marry him. Blaine talking Kurt-things over with Sam was not new yet something felt new about this conversation, in the face of the marriage proposal.

"He said he wants to plan the wedding! I mean, he seriously wants to marry me! I'm so happy, Sam, you have no idea."

Truthfully, Blaine's tremendously over the top energy gave Sam at least a clue. Sam said nothing, just smiling sadly at Blaine.

"Sam, you're definitely gonna be the best man." Blaine joyfully repeated the already established point, only deflating when he saw the sadness in Sam's eyes.

"Sammy, you okay?"

"Oh, sure. Just...I don't know. It's all hitting me, you know." Sam looked at him with real sadness in his eyes, forgoing the smile he had planned to put on.

"It's a lot on you Sam, I know that." Blaine put his hand on top of Sam's.

"I thought you weren't one to touch people you don't know," Sam chuckled, pleased with the physical contact and warmth transferred from Blaine's hand to his.

"I do know you Sam. And I know how much you care about me, and how much you cared about Finn. Change can be so difficult."

Sam beamed as Blaine so eloquently verbalized the discomfort he had been feeling. He loved having someone who 'got' him so easily.

"You don't have to be afraid. I'm not leaving you."

"You're not?"

"Of course not. You're the best friend I've had. I couldn't go on without you."

Sam continued to beam as he hugged his friend, laying his head on Blaine's shoulder as Blaine did the same to him.

"Finn going so quickly scared the shit out of me. And then you getting married and off to New York with Kurt. Kinda like all in the space of moment. A big Ka-Boom!" Sam said wistfully as he shifted his head to get comfortable.

Blaine rubbed his back soothingly. "No matter what changes, us being connected never does. And it's not like you can't come to New York with us."

"It's kinda late for that now," Sam said, resigned.

Blaine pushed Sam off his shoulder so he could look him in the eyes, hands on his shoulders.

"It is _never_ too late. We'll figure something out, I promise. While Kurt works on the wedding, we can work together to find you something. I'm not letting go of my best friend," Blaine said so emphatically that Sam found his heart bursting.

"Hey, Blaine?"

"Yes, Sammy."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

It clicked for Sam. He could not afford to just give up on his friendship with Blaine just because things were threatening to get in the way. If Blaine was willing to fight, he could too. Plus, Sam knew in his heart of hearts that whatever he had with Blaine was worth it. He could not let him, or them, go.

A/N: Thank you so much for the views, reviews, and follow. I so appreciate it! Reviews are always welcome. Best!


	3. Chapter 2: Where That Leaves Us

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, following, and reviewing. I would really love to hear other opinions about things that I can improve, things that might not be clear, any thoughts at all are so appreciated. With this chapter in particular I faced major writers' block but I've powered through. I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 2: Where That Leaves Us

 **Kurt**

Kurt sat perched on the edge of the tub as Blaine sat on the countersink, clipping his toenails with a determined look on his face.

"What did you say to him?" Kurt asked exasperatedly.

"Nothing, I fled the scene." Blaine replied coolly, jumping off to start shaving the stubble that littered his lower jaw.

"You didn't tell him that we have plans to check out the venue and finalize cake choices with the caterer."

"No, he really needs my help."

"Hmmm. Listen, I know you like helping him."

"I mean, we're Blam. He's my bestie."

"Well has he gone to get his suit fitted?"

"You know he's short on money right now."

"Four months and two group fittings and he still can't get it together?"

"Kurt, I'm sorry. If he can't this time, I'll pay for it myself, fair?"

"What a good friend. I'm proud."

Blaine looked at his fiancé in disbelief.

"Oh, I am a proud fiancé."

"Shut up," Blaine said good-naturedly.

Sam entered the bathroom, only clad in mid-length black boxer briefs. Apparently too asleep to acknowledge the couple's presence, he pulled his semi-hard member out of pants in their full view.

"Morning" Sam greeted sleepily.

Once Sam was finished, he put himself back and exited without a word. Kurt could barely contain his shock, while Blaine only looked a bit taken aback.

"Oh, my God. Did _that_ just happen?" Kurt said in disbelief.

"He does that all the time. It's no big deal," Blaine said nonchalantly.

Kurt was not comfortable with this new bit of information. The fact that in the past four months since the group had settled into the Bushwick loft, his fiancé was now accustomed to seeing his mooching best friend's genitals as well as his lack of hygiene was not a fact Kurt was willing to concede to without a fight. Clearly, Sam had grown too comfortable with the status quo.

"Okay, I know Sam is your bestie, but he said he'd only be couch-surfing with us for a few weeks."

"I know," Blaine avoided eye contact with Kurt's image in the mirror.

"It's been months, okay? This apartment has _too_ many people in it. You've got to talk to him." Kurt demanded.

"I like having him here. All of us together. It's helped with the wedding preparations."

"That's ridiculous. Once we get married, do you really think we're gonna live all together like this? If anything, we need to start establishing our own space."

"Yeah, you're right...but—"

"No butts, Blaine. You're the one that asked to marry me. I want to build a future with you, connected to you. Not to your frat bro, or whatever."

"Come on, Kurt..."

"You need to help him get things started. We can't take care of him forever."

"Kurt, he's not a burden. We're helping our friend."

"Um, Blaine, I've barely spoken ten words to Sam since junior year. He's way more your friend than mine."

"Well as _my_ friend, he's my responsibility. I'll deal with him, okay."

"You better." Kurt smiled and moved to right behind Blaine, laying a sensual kiss right by his temple. Unfortunately his actions were doing little to faze Blaine who wore a sharp scowl on his face. Trying one more time, Kurt motioned Blaine so they were facing one another.

"Dinner tonight?" Kurt offered after a quick, strangely listless peck on the lips.

"Sure, I-I gotta finish getting dressed." Without any eye contact, Blaine promptly left the bathroom.

"Don't forget," Kurt called out after him.

Kurt sensed something odd when it came to Blaine and Sam. He knew that after the breakup the year before, Sam and Blaine started hanging out together. Prada knows that he had seen enough of the #blam adventures on Facebook and Instagram for a lifetime.

But after the proposal and things with Finn had cooled down, Kurt was privy to Sam's constant need to fraternize with Blaine. They texted, they goofed around, on rare occasions they even wrestled. Something about birds and chameleons, as if those two went together. For the most part, Kurt recognized that Blaine was just attached to Sam in one way or another and it would not be fair to either one of them to demand they limit their friendship.

Kurt still had pause, especially now as he heard Blaine basically defend Sam to Kurt. Blaine had been quite receptive to Kurt's obsessive planning over the summer. In fact, Blaine seemed perfectly happy to let Kurt indulge his wedding fantasies if it meant he had more free time to spend doing who-knows-what with Sam. And now, as the late October wedding was quickly approaching, Sam was the only matter Blaine had a firm hand about. Sam was to be the best man, Sam could keep living with them rent-free, and Sam could not be separated from Blaine.

Where that left _him_ on Blaine's ranking of priorities, Kurt had no idea.

 **Blaine**

That afternoon, Blaine found Sam lounging on the couch leisurely playing a video game. He braced himself, steeling his resolve.

"Sam, you've been sitting there since I left this morning," Blaine did not care to see a person he held so dear floundering as Sam was.

"Yeah, well, Kurt's fancy wire chairs hurt my back, so this thing's the only thing that's comfortable," Sam said distractedly. His eyes remained glued to whatever video game he was playing.

This would not be easy. But Blaine knew that loving someone meant helping them see when they needed to improve.

"Look uh, Kurt and I were talking. And, um, we just—"

"You want me to move out. I knew it. You know what? Santana got to stay here forever," Sam rapidly defended.

"Sam, Santana did work steadily. And we, or I, don't want you to move, per se, although Kurt says that wouldn't be the worst idea he's ever heard. We're just... we're, I'm worried about you, man. We know that work has been slow."

"Try nonexistent, okay? I've had zero modeling auditions. Zero. I can't even get my agent on the phone. I just get her lazy assistant Pam who's like well, maybe I should cut my hair because I look like a dirty hippie."

"Well, maybe you should." Strangely, images of Sam with a sexy, short look similar to the one he had sported during their junior year floated in Blaine's mind, alarming him.

"But I like it. Okay, besides Mr. Shue said that we shouldn't care what people think. We should just be ourselves. What a load of crap, huh?" Sam retorted.

"Well, Mr. Shue also said we should face our fears. Remember that one? So Buddy, I know this is frustrating—" Blaine sat in front of Sam, trying his best to be gentle.

"Maybe I just shouldn't even be here, okay? I hate New York, okay? It's crowded, it's loud, it smells like garbage and everybody here is basically paid to be rude to you. Sometimes, it's just easier if you stay inside," Sam said with so much emotion that Blaine feared he might cry.

Blaine could not stomach his best friend basically giving up his life just for him. While he was pleased and thankful that Sam would go so far just for him, seeing the toll it was taking on everyone other than _him_ was unbearable. Feeling the old sense of guilt for ruining first Kurt's and now Sam's life, Blaine decided to take a chance.

"All right. Get up. Get up. I-I don't want to watch you waste away in here when there is so much to do out there. Put on a clean shirt. That's got, like, five kinds of stains on it. Come on, follow me. We're going outside."

Even when Sam put up a small fight, spending time together was so easy for Blaine. Blaine had not expected that the wedding planning would dominate so much of his relationship with Kurt and he relished the opportunity to just show Sam a good time. No responsibilities, no worries about their plans together as a couple. Blaine appreciated most that with Sam he could just _be_.

After showing Sam Times Square, the two went back to Bushwick to find a barbershop where Sam could get his hair done by a professional.

"You really think I should?" Sam asked as they walked side-by-side.

"Well, it's just hair. And it might help with booking some work. Plus it'll definitely look _great_ on you." Blaine hoped Sam would let the last part of that slide by.

"Hold your horses. I know I wouldn't want to give Kurt any competition." Sam moved closer into Blaine's space, a conspiratorial expression on his face.

"Unless I never left the running," Sam whispered, lips hovering dangerously close to the delicate skin of Blaine's ear.

Blaine felt the heat of Sam's breath. His instinctual response was to lean into Sam though he checked himself and quickly moved a few paces ahead of Sam, refusing to even look back at him.

They silently continued on their way to the barbershop. Finally finding a suitable, medium sized one, the two entered at sat at a bench facing the barbers' chairs. The main barber assured Sam that the wait would not be long but for Blaine, any amount of time seemed to pass dreadfully slowly. As they settled down to wait, Blaine nonchalantly made sure to sit a calculated distance away from Sam. Not so much that Sam would think something was wrong, but enough to allow Blaine to cool down from the heat of their momentary interaction. Blaine breathed a sigh of relief when Sam's turn finally arrived.

"B," Sam called across to the bench.

Blaine, who had been staring at the floor, threw a look in Sam's direction, assuming that a direct look would cause him to spontaneously combust.

Flashing a friendly smile, Sam looked into Blaine's eyes and lightheartedly gave him thumbs up. Admiring Sam's ever-affable nature, Blaine could not resist returning the eye contact and giving him a nod back.

While Sam got his haircut, Blaine sat silently, eyes looking through the storefront. He did not look at anything in particular, or even feel a certain way. For the moment, Blaine enjoyed just being, free from everything except helping his Sam jumpstart things.

Only the fact that his sense of ease was with someone other than the man he proposed to ironically made him uneasy.

 **Sam**

Excited at the sight of his completed haircut, Sam went to Blaine, his giddiness nearly infectious.

"What do ya think?"

Blaine's immediate adoring reaction gave Sam all the answer he needed.

"I know, right? This was all you, B. Damn!" Sam jokingly said as he turned into the mirror to admire his new look. His hair, now closely cropped and treated to wave slightly, firmly accentuated his face, bringing out the masculine, defined bone structure that had once been hidden by a poorly cared for shag. Sam knew now that his look aligned more with the traditional white male models, yet it felt right for him. He truly enjoyed being able to see his face in such a mature, polished way.

"I'm gonna get so many jobs for this. This is just what Bichette wanted," Sam shot out rapid-fire.

"You do look good," Blaine said carefully. After a beat of eye contact, Blaine changed his pleasant expression to a more mischievous one.

"Too bad I am already taken," Blaine whispered saucily as he laid a hand a mite above Sam's hip bone, a very sensitive area. Sam, who was still paying for his haircut, could only watch Blaine with gleefully skeptical eyes as Blaine walked out to wait for him out there.

"Seriously, bud, thank you," Sam said once they began walking home.

"No problem, Sam. I'm always willing to help you. It makes me feel good, you know?"

Sam noticed that the slowly darkening September evening sky laid an ethereal glow on Blaine. His gelled hair shone, his teeth sparkled, Sam had to admit that Blaine looked phenomenally earthly.

"I should do something for you. Come on, let's go to Dahlia's on me," Sam suggested impulsively. This was certainly a special occasion. Due to their being underage and not possessing high quality fake IDs, the teenagers did not partake in alcohol outside of the loft very often. Sam recognized an opportunity good as any to spend some time away from the loft, having fun.

"That...sounds, uh, great Sam. But you know it is getting late. Besides, I do have to catch up on some reading," Blaine said intently, avoiding Sam's eyes.

"Come on, just a beer or two. Nothing too crazy. Just...we need to unwind. Things have tense in the loft."

"Yeah, yeah...but I-I have plans. With Kurt."

Sam could not believe that he was nearly begging as he took Blaine's hands and looked in his eyes.

"Just one drink and then off back to Bushwick. Please," Sam looked at Blaine with the best version of a puppy-dog he could muster.

"Well...alright. Fine. But only one drink."

Sam grinned wildly and put his arm around Blaine. They walked down the street in sync. It did cross Sam's mind whether they looked like a couple to passers-by. The way Blaine seemed to fit snugly in the crook of his shoulder made him think so.

Dahlia's was not a very large establishment but rather a cozy, lively Mexican restaurant and bar that thankfully did not card for serving alcohol. In the midst of NYU and NYADA, it was a reliable placing for serving collegiate underage clientele, yet the vibe still retained a certain maturity.

Sam and Blaine had been sitting together at a corner of the bar, unbothered and oblivious to nearly everything around them.

"I thought you said only one drink," Sam laughed at his friend heartily.

"Another please. And I meant in one sitting. Then I went to the bathroom. A refill was the thing to do."

"If you say so, B," Sam playfully jostled Blaine's ear, eliciting an instant thermal response. Blaine laid his warm, tanned hand on Sam's paler one.

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy," Blaine said in a sing-song voice with a poorly controlled smile.

"Hey dude, you can't be this much of a lightweight. You're about to be a married man, B. What are you gonna do at the wedding?"

"That's what the bachelor party's for, right? Beer and you stripping?" Blaine softly burped, giggling in spite of himself.

"Ouch, dude," Sam started to get a tad offended.

"No, no, no. You're not for sale, Sammy. You're priceless, you know. But, like you're fucking hot and pretty sexy-positive. It would be fun to get a...final look. Not that I don't see enough already. Kurt minds but I don't. Or maybe am I just insane right now?"

Sam had to laugh at that. But the idea that Blaine, even drunk Blaine, could be saying these things rattled him. Sam inched away slightly, feigning focus on finishing his drink. Blaine had other ideas, leaning on Sam's shoulder and arm for support.

"I just want some fun, Sam. You know? I wanted him back. But this..." Blaine slurred wistfully.

"I get it. It's fast, you know? It seems really very fast. Are you...are you even happy?" Sam dared to ask.

"We're incredibly happy," Blaine said somberly, crossing his arms and putting his head down.

"Oh yay! Well great! Yay!" Sam exaggerated, though his attempts to lighten the mood were not having the intended effect as Blaine remained.

"Sometimes I wonder if I had just proposed to you...or if you had had feelings for me back in Guilty Pleasures week...would I feel like things are so fast?" Blaine asked without shifting.

Blaine's words stunned Sam. The words being pushed out of Blaine's head into the world and then into Sam's head. While Sam had assured Blaine that their friendship would not change, they had never actually spoken about Blaine's feelings for Sam in such plain terms. Sam did not think he had processed what Blaine said correctly. After all, he was dyslexic and he was on the road to being a bit tipsy.

"Did you hear me? I know you did. What would it have been like if we had feelings for each other, if we were in love?" Blaine said a bit insistently like an unheard child looking for reassurance.

The L word. Sam had correctly taken in what Blaine had said. Now thoughts of Blaine and him being more than friends, friends, lovers, boyfriends, friends with benefits, husbands, fuck buddies, all the possibilities were roaming around, thickening his head so that he felt he might explode.

Sam looked at Blaine and knew in that moment that he had to say something. Leaving Blaine's words without a response was not an option conducive to continuing their friendship.

Sam motioned to the bartender to watch Blaine while he went for the bathroom, leaving Blaine with an affectionate tousle of the hair and ears.

Arriving at the dim, tight space near the bathroom entrance, Sam bumped into a tall, slim yet defined stranger adorned with piercings and bleached highlights.

"Sorry, man," Sam offered.

"No worries. You at least look like you know what you're doing compared to the usual young crowd that comes here this time."

"Oh, yeah," Sam said detachedly, hoping the stranger would take the hint.

"Do you go to school around here?" the stranger asked with what Sam noted was a great deal of _visual_ interest.

"Nah, I'm getting into the modeling thing. My roommates go to NYADA though."

"That cute retro guy up there one of them?"

Something felt strange about this yet unnamed stranger's boldness in referring to Blaine as 'cute'. It felt oddly impersonal or irreverent of the tour-de-force that Sam knew Blaine was.

"Yep...him and his _fiancé_."

Unfazed, the stranger continued with the same enthusiasm.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You single? Playing the field. Because I totally thought you and your friend were a couple," the stranger batted his eyeliner adorned eyes, which looked a bit cute to Sam.

Again, that strange feeling.

"Nope. Just best bros. And I'm straight by the way."

Neither were quite convinced at that answer, but the stranger left it at that.

"Oh...well, no worries, man. Doesn't hurt to ask. See ya around."

The stranger sauntered away. Sam could not figure out how to turn his mind off and move his feet.

"Sam?" Blaine called out as he came into Sam's view.

"B, I'm sorry, I kinda got held up."

Blaine grinned sheepishly. "That's okay. It's getting kind of late."

"Sure thing," Sam replied. He did not need to use the bathroom so he lead them back to the bar, grabbing for money out of his pants.

"Oh, it's alright Sam. I covered it already."

Sam could only look at him, unable to make sense of the frightening confusion in his head.

Blaine paid no attention as he made his way toward the exit.

"Sammy, you coming?"

"Yeah, yeah," Sam nodded hurriedly as he caught up with Blaine and exited the restaurant.

"Hey," Sam stopped a few paces from the establishment. "I meant to tell that I love you Blaine Anderson and however you'd had me would have worked for me."

Blaine turned to him and smiled softly, his face oddly sad as well as happy. Sam laid a hand on his shoulder. If he did not know any better, Sam felt the waves of emotion overpowering him, making him want to lay a tender kiss on Blaine's lightly scruffy cheek.

"Best friends," Blaine said.

That threw Sam out of his reverie. Supremely confused with what he had moments ago wanted to do along with everything else that had taken place, Sam had to be alone to make sense of everything.

"B, why don't you go on ahead. I kinda wanna explore for a little bit. I know Kurt probably wants you home."

"Kurt! Oh my god! I completely forgot we were supposed to meet for dinner. Fuck, Sam, what am I gonna say?"

"Don't get all crazy now. Just tell him I kept you out later than you intended. But feel free to go, go."

"You sure? You'll be okay? Text me if you get lost or need a cab or _anything_!"

"Don't worry, Blaine. I'll see you at home."

Sighing, Blaine went to hug Sam who flinched at the physicality, feeling his desire rise up again.

"I'll see you, B."

Blaine waved sadly as he walked away toward the subway.

Sam stood in that spot for about ten minutes, just turning everything over in his head. To strangers they seemed like a couple. Drunk Blaine wondered about them being together. Of course the mere suggestions were explosive for any two close teenage male best friends in their predicament. The idea was not his own, he certainly did not spend long nights pining for his gay engaged best friend. All the talk mixed with the alcohol and Sam's general horniness (completely normal for 19 year old boy who had not had much sex in the past few months) made him want to actually kiss Blaine, and on the cheek, no less! Sam felt better as he ventured home, figuring that he was simply a victim of other people's foreign ideas.

The only catch was that nothing concerning them felt at all foreign or unnatural. The problem was that they felt _right_. So very right. And where _that_ potential shitstorm left him, he had no desire to even think about.


	4. Chapter 3: Who Am I?

A/N: As always, thank you so much for reading, following, and reviewing. I always would love to hear other opinions about things that I can improve, things that might not be clear, any thoughts at all are so appreciated. With this I introduced something new to my writing style so feedback on that would be welcome (encouraged in fact). This chapter is pretty Klaine-y but I promise the endgames are definitely Blam and Puckurt. I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 3: Who Am I?

 **Kurt**

Someone to call. He had to speak to someone, anyone. The torrent of anger building from deep within Kurt's core threatened to rise to the surface. Blaine and Kurt lay in bed, the former fast asleep, the latter flat on his back, eyes toward the ceiling fuming.

Kurt looked over to the other side. When he saw Blaine slumbering peacefully, a deep scowl marred his face.

Sucking his teeth, Kurt got up, "I gotta get out of here." He reached for his slippers, grabbed his phone, and left the bedroom, turning on one small lamp and taking a seat at the kitchen table.

Deep breaths. Kurt tried his best to take some in order to clear the thickness in his head, to no avail. He checked the time on his phone, 1:47 AM.

Staggering into the apartment was Sam, apparently with a new haircut Kurt noted. it took a moment for Sam to adjust to the low lights illuminating the apartment. He appeared to be coming towards Kurt.

"B?"

Kurt rolled his eyes; they had begun to ache from the constant rolling and now his eyes felt hard.

"No, it's _Kurt_ ," Kurt said venomously.

"Oh, hey Kurt. Say, uh, listen. Uh, I'm uh, sorry about making Blaine so late tonight. We lost track of time, you know how it is," Sam offered somewhat distractedly.

Kurt opened his eyes as the repetition of the lame excuse opened the floodgates.

 _They had clearly agreed that they would meet for dinner after Blaine got done doing whatever he was doing for Sam. Kurt had indeed texted Blaine during the day to remind him and set up a time. They were to meet at home around 8 for Thailand Café, a cheating slice of cheesecake, some wine, and going over last minute wedding preparations. A perfect evening for the perfect couple._

 _When Blaine had not shown up or even texted that he would be tardy, Kurt went down to the lobby to get the food and see if he would catch Blaine there._

 _By 8:45, Kurt had taken all the food up to the apartment and set everything up. Blaine still was nowhere to be found and not answering any calls. So back to the lobby Kurt went._

 _By 9:30, Kurt sat on the stoop waiting to catch the first glimpse of Blaine._

 _Around 10:12, Kurt caught sight of Blaine walking cautiously toward him. He did not know if Blaine saw the daggers in his eyes, but at this point, he did not care at all._

 _"Kurt, I—," Blaine groveled._

 _"Dinner was great tonight. I ate and drank and did all the necessary things to get this show on the road. It was a lovely evening."_

 _"Kurt."_

 _"No! You don't get to just apologize with your voice and eyes all sad and get off. We had plans."_

 _"I know. I should've called, I'm so sorry Kurt. You have no idea. It was just things got carried away with Sam and I forgot."_

 _The sound of that other individual's name coming out of Blaine's mouth nearly made Kurt gag._

 _"You stay on your side of the bed. When Sam moves out you can take the couch," Kurt stated plainly._

 _They went up the stairs to the apartment silently. Kurt made no eye contact with Blaine, though out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Blaine looked very uneasy._

 _"What, you know, what?" Kurt demanded as the stood at the threshold._

 _"Kurt, I know I really messed up tonight but, umm..." Blaine's eyes were on the floor._

 _"Tell me you told him that he needs to be out of our apartment by the end of next week."_

 _Blaine continued to look at the floor._

 _Kurt uncharacteristically guffawed as they entered the apartment. After that they said nothing to each other. Kurt went to the kitchen to transfer the uneaten food to the refrigerator while Blaine grabbed his schoolbag and went into the bedroom to do some work. They avoided each other for the rest of the night, only seeing each other when Kurt entered the bedroom for bed around midnight._

 _As Kurt dressed in his night outfit, Blaine shifted._

 _"Kurt," Blaine said tentatively._

 _"What Blaine?" Kurt was exhausted._

 _"I know. I know that I hurt you tonight. I put Sam before you. I don't know...lately, hmmm, I've been feeling like things are moving so fast."_

 _"And you couldn't talk to your fiancé. And to think I thought you wanted this, hell, you're the one that proposed!"_

 _"I did want this-I_ do _want this. Just sometimes, I'm not all the way sure."_

 _Kurt began to turn away, a nasty look on his face._

 _"Come on, Wait. Before you start yelling...you were right. I should have told you about how I felt about us getting married so soon or any doubts I was having. It's just... I'm not good at the whole talking about feelings thing._

 _"I bet you told Sam how you felt though, didn't you? You don't seem to have any trouble talking to him Blaine, but me? It's_ always _Sam. It's_ never _me._

 _"That's not true."_

 _"Who am I to you Blaine? Am I your boyfriend? Your fiancé? Am I somebody you mess around with? When you said those words five months ago, did you mean them or did you want it to sound pretty and dreamy? Do you even know? Well guess what? Now you don't even have to bother to figure it out."_

 _"What does that mean?"_

 _"Why don't you go ask Sam?"_

 _Kurt left Blaine and went to the bathroom before the tears began to flow. Looking in the mirror, the sound of his cold, venomous tone rang in his head, scaring him._

 _"How did I get like this?"_

 _To calm himself down, Kurt indulged in giving himself a facial. As he scrubbed his face, he wished that he could just as easily clean his relationship off of impurities as he could his body. Finally pleased with the state of his cleansing, Kurt retreated to bed where Blaine was already asleep._

 _Seeing Blaine brought back the angry feelings. For a few minutes he tried to fool himself into already being asleep but when unsuccessful, Kurt decided the best thing to do would be to verbalize his issues._

Kurt had not anticipated speaking with Sam tonight. And he was not happy with the outcome.

Sighing heavily, Kurt resigned, "It's not a problem, Sam. We can always meet again tomorrow."

Sam smiled with relief. Ignorance surely was bliss, Kurt thought to himself.

"Where is he now, he got home okay?" Sam asked with concern.

Kurt felt bothered by the words along with the protective tone.

"Yes, my _fiancé_ is sleeping in _our_ bed. Thank you for asking."

"Hey, man. Didn't mean to intrude on your thing or whatever. Just wanted to make sure B was home safe."

Kurt bristled at the use of the affectionate nickname as well as the reduction of their relationship to 'thing'. He got up, took his keys, and went to the door.

"Good night, Sam," Kurt said insincerely.

"Night," Sam replied sounding slightly miffed.

Kurt laid his back against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the hallway floor. Sighing heavily, Kurt took out his phone, looking for someone to talk to at this late hour.

He immediately ruled out his father, who had been far more giving than deserved regarding the impending wedding. Airing dirty laundry would not be a thing to do to the person bankrolling one's wedding, and life. Carole and Mister Schue were also out: Kurt needed to vent to someone who would be able to better understand where he was coming from without rose-colored glasses or hindsight. While Kurt still felt a great deal of affection for Mercedes, whom he considered his first real friend from McKinley, he knew that particular relationship was not so much strained but two people grown apart to different paths. Thus the emotional intimacy was not quite there and Mercedes would probably be pretty pro-Klaine anyway. Santana would be a good, albeit brash shoulder to lean on as she was unassuming and a good listener. Alas, she and Brittany were still nowhere to be found, presumably on their Sapphic vacation. Rachel was far too busy with _Funny Girl_ and self-absorbed to provide an ear for Kurt; he imagined that like Mercedes she would advocate more so for the relationship than Kurt. Sam was definitely out and he had never really talked to Mike and Tina. Outside of McKinley, Kurt could not think of anyone with whom he had the necessary amount of familiarity to freely unload such personal issues, except Adam, though that had fizzled when Kurt went back to Blaine.

The lack of a clear 'person' made Kurt feel very alone. He could not go back to bed with Blaine without venting his frustrations, that would not do good for anyone involved. Though Kurt did not believe in any god, he thought of his mother and Finn. He did not know if they could see or hear him but at least thinking that they did put a little salve on his emotional wounds. Kurt wondered what it would be like if Finn had not died. Perhaps he still would have been a student at the University of Lima, living with Puck, studying to be a teacher.

 _Puck_. For a moment, Kurt allowed himself to think about chatting with Puck. Puck's gruff demeanor reminded him of Santana. Of course, Puck was not all bad and he seemed like he would be a good listener who did not rush to make serious judgments about people. In fact, other than the 'bedazzling' comment about Finn's jacket, Kurt had noticed that Puck had been supportive of his relationship with Blaine being accepted into the New Directions and the years spent with them had by and large cured him of his homophobic tendencies. Now Kurt found himself searching for his most recent contact number for Puck. Maybe talking to Puck would be like talking to Finn, since they had been best friends. After all, what was the harm in trying? The worst that could happen was an opinion that did not matter much in the grand scheme of things as Puck was an outsider. The amount of distance would be a safeguard. Kurt went ahead and dialed his number, hoping Puck would be awake at such a late hour.

"What do you want Hummel?" Puck spoke first. Kurt was pleasantly surprised that Puck recognized his number.

"I-I-I-um..." Unfortunately Kurt had not thought of much to say to break the ice.

"Words, Princess. Use your words, I know you're good at them," Puck said coolly.

"Oh, yeah, right-um, sure. I-I...just wanted to..."

"Yes?"

"Apologize!"

"What for?"

"Oh you know. I may have been, uh, a bit...short, with you the last time we saw each other, you know...about the jacket."

"Water under the bridge, Hummel."

"Well, good. That's great. I trust things are good with you."

"They'll be better when you get to why you really called me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Cut the shit, Hummel. You're at school to be an actor yet your voice seems like you could cry at any second and you pulled some apology out of your ass. If you have something to say, or you want something from me, just be a big boy and ask."

Kurt was astounded at how astute Puck's observation was. He felt a bit naked yet not so uncomfortable. Puck was offering him the floor. He could have it if he wanted.

"Is it about you and Blaine?"

"N-n-n-no. Or maybe...well, uh, kind of, I guess...yes. Okay, the reason I called you was because I-I- need someone to talk to. Actually, I'm feeling the need to do some crying, but my tear ducts seem to be too proud, so I'm going to do some talking instead."'

"Well, talk then."

"I don't know, Puck. At one point it was good. I had let him in, you know, and we were good. And then he went off and cheated. And I told myself I wouldn't ever let him back in. But I did. I was lonely and I missed him, a lot, and I just wanted to see if we could have what we did again."

Puck said nothing, though Kurt could hear him breathing.

"Are you still here? With me?"

"I'm listening Princess."

"So you're not gonna say anything out the gate? Not offer your thoughts or advice?"

"I can't talk to you until I've listened to what you had to say."

Puck's wisdom surprised Kurt. Feeling better and reassured, he pressed on.

"So yeah, I wanted him again. But then he was proposing and I couldn't say no. And for a moment it was like even though he had done this big show, we were still back to normal...or at least...well maybe not normal. But perhaps on the way there.

"But then Finn died and it was like things were twisted again. I mean, I try not to think about all the time, but I-I...I don't know how to exist in a world where now my mom doesn't and now Finn doesn't. I don't know how to keep going by myself...I don't know how to exist without my dad or Glee or anything that I've known. I _can't_ exist without him, I don't know who I am without him. I need something to keep me afloat...so that I can survive.

"But it's not what I thought it would be. I don't know if he's in this like I am now. Does he want me, does he want Sam, does he want me because he knows he can't have Sam and he doesn't want to be alone? And Sam being around Blaine all the time isn't helping and I just don't know if the wedding is happening now. Tonight he said he just wanted to have some fun, he missed our dinner plans for drinks with Sam. He says it's going fast for him. I just wanna know where I stand with him, if he loves me, if he wants to be married to me. I just don't know."

Kurt felt so relieved to empty himself out like that. No matter what Puck said, this was definitely helpful.

"Are you finished?"

"Ha, yes, I am. Thanks for listening to my emotional diarrhea. So what do you think?"

"Well, man, look. I haven't seen things for myself so I'm not 100% sure of anything. It sounds like you two haven't been clear about what you are to each for long enough before jumping the next step. Just talk to him."

"I guess we haven't done enough talking. Making sure we're on the same pages."

"And dude?"

"Yes?"

"It's okay to be nervous or scared, you know? You two are doing a big thing here. He might be nervous and you probably are too.

"And Hummel it's not gonna be perfect. Nothing ever is. But you know, he gets you, or at least it looked that way to us. It was like he got you in a way that we never did. And I'm sorry about that. We made you feel so different all the time, we shoulda tried harder. That's another thing I'm sorry about.

"All I gotta say is, talking to him wouldn't be a bad place to start things."

Moved by the clarity of Puck's words, Kurt now felt more like he could approach the huge elephant that was his relationship with Blaine.

"Thank you Puck. Really."

"Sure thing, Hummel."

"And, uh...well, this may sound...weird, but it shouldn't...just...if I ever need a person, can I call you?"

"Only if you promise never to interrupt my sleep again, Princess."

Kurt laughed at the nickname. "Good night, Puck."

"Good night, Kurt."

Reassured, Kurt went back into the house. On his way to his bedroom, he noticed Sam uneasily asleep on the couch. Entering the bedroom, he looked at Blaine, who still slept. Kurt glanced for a moment toward the direction of the living room and sighed, shaking his head. He could face talking to Blaine before they left for school, he told himself as he settled into bed. Suddenly exhausted, Kurt fell into a shortened slumber.

Kurt woke up before Blaine. He steeled his resolve and lightly shook Blaine awake.

"Wha-wha-what, Kurt?" Blaine asked bewildered.

"Good morning Blaine. It's a little earlier than we usually wake up. I just wanted to talk."

That quickly brought Blaine to full-alert.

"Listen Kurt, I know I was out of line last night and I'm so—" Blaine stammered all at once.

"Shh. I'm gonna talk first. Now look, we went to bed angry. That happens. Right now, no apologies."

Blaine nodded fervently, eyes intent on Kurt.

"I don't want to waste another minute. Since Finn died and with everything changing in our lives, I...I feel like someone ripped the ground out from under me and everything's just topsy-turvy, all different now. Nothing seems the same and I still can't believe it's real. But...every time I look at you...I feel better. It shocks me. You bring me back to myself. You're my port in the storm. It knocks my wind out but it's the truth. Being with you...is the best thing...because I love you."

Blaine looked at Kurt with loving eyes and softly caressed Kurt's hand.

"I love you too. That's why I wanted you back so badly. You're who I know, who I love. And I get nervous sometimes, but at the end of day it doesn't matter whether we're married or boyfriends or whatever. I just want to be together, with you."

Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes and asked, "Marry me. Will you marry me?"

They both kissed the lips they knew and did not want to leave.

"Yes" they both said as they broke apart for air.

In that moment, they knew who they were.


End file.
